Category: Relationships

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Relationships

How To Select The Best Photo For Your Online Dating Profile

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

2013 is already more than halfway over, and summer is coming to a close. Before you know it, the fall will be upon us, and the cold weather will arrive. Winter is coming, and nobody wants to be lonely. It’s time to reactivate or create those online dating profiles to get a man/woman/whatever you’re into!

Personally I think the fall is always the time when I want a boyfriend the most. I’d love to have a boyfriend by Halloween so we can coordinate our outfits together. My birthday is in November so I’d love to receive birthday sex, and also to actually have a guy give me gifts. Christmas is in December so that means even more gifts. January has New Years and I’d love to have a New Years’ kiss. Finally February is Valentine’s Day and I’d love to finally have a valentine.

I haven’t had much to do this summer, so lately I’ve been obsessing over my online dating profiles. I don’t really date during summer, but during the school year I go on more dates than anyone I know. I’ve been utilizing online dating sites for over 2 years now, and still haven’t found a boyfriend on any site, but life is about the quest! Like Miley Cyrus sings “It’s about the climb.” There’s no telling if or when a relationship will happen for me, but it’s better to be the person who’s actively putting themselves out there and going on lots of dates, than to be the person who’s sitting at home alone with no potential love interests in their lives at all.

From January-April I went on 9 dates with 7 guys, and I’m hoping to break that record for the upcoming semester. I know it would be better to find one guy to have all the dates with and finally find a loving committed relationship, but you never know what you’ll get online, so might as well enjoy as many free meals as possible for as long as I can.

Choosing the right pictures for your profile is essential. So here are a few of my rules for selecting the best photos to represent yourself online to acquire the most dates.

1. NO SUNGLASSES IN YOUR MAIN PHOTO

I never even notice people’s eye color, but eye contact is essential on a date. If you’re only allowed one photo for whichever dating site you’re using, don’t hide your eyes. Some believe “The eyes are the window to the soul”, but I just believe your eyes are an important part of your face, so show them off. No one wants to message someone who you can’t fully see their face, so make sure yours isn’t masked by anything. When someone messages you, or you message someone, both parties want to see exactly who they’re communicating with, and if there’s a potential attraction. Everyone should always ask for additional photos of whoever they’re chatting with, but no one should have to ask for additional photos to fully see your face. If anything, your face should be the most prominent part of your body displayed in your primary photo.

2. NO MAKEUP IN YOUR MAIN PHOTO

I don’t wear makeup often, but as a feminine flamboyant gay boy, I do love to wear makeup whenever I go clubbing.  On average I go clubbing once a week during the school year, and probably less than once a month during the summer. Sometimes I get amazing pictures of myself from my clubbing nights, that I want to show off.

Unfortunately the gay world is extremely misogynistic and bashes anything feminine. Most guys are constantly displaying how they only want a “masculine” guy on their profile, or are “masc4masc” only. Granted I know better to not message a guy who clearly stipulates this, but I randomly received several prejudiced messages recently saying how I’d be so much more attractive if I wasn’t so feminine and didn’t wear makeup.I don’t see the point of messaging me at all if you don’t like feminine guys. I clearly state on my profile if you don’t like girly guys then you won’t like me. Also what’s the point of messaging someone to say you aren’t attracted to them. Even if you say I’m attractive, but hate that I wear makeup or that I’m feminine, that’s clearly an insult. I don’t message people to tell them I’d be attracted to them if they were a different person, and would prefer it didn’t happen to me. But there’s nothing I can do to change it.

 Granted I think if you are a gay boy and love to wear makeup, definitely have at least one picture wearing makeup, because I’d rather attract a guy who accepts and isn’t bothered by my love of makeup. It’s part of who I am, and if some guys can’t handle that, then they obviously aren’t someone I’d want to be with.

But my reasoning for no makeup in the display photo, unless you wear makeup every day is because, like sunglasses, makeup can hide your natural appearance. Everyone wants to see what they’d be getting when they message someone, so show off your natural face. Granted if you wear makeup every single day, then obviously post pictures wearing makeup in most your photos.I’m in no way saying hide your femininity or don’t post pictures wearing makeup. But if you don’t wear it often, like myself, and the guy can only see one picture of me, then I should show my face in it’s natural state which is makeup free. If your face in it’s natural state is covered in makeup, then by all means post as many pictures wearing makeup as possible.

But don’t ever make your main photo of yourself in Halloween makeup or costume attire. It can be one of your other photos on your profile, but it’s always important to show off your everyday face.

3. WEAR A SHIRT IN YOUR MAIN PHOTO

The internet is filled with a surplus of freaks and perverts. and you don’t want to attract them to your online dating profile. Though it’s impossible to prevent them from messaging you, and no matter what you are wearing in your main photo you will attract freaks and perverts who are solely messaging you for sex. But one way to detract those kinds of people is to wear clothes. I love to dress slutty, so I can’t help posting pictures of myself scantily clad, but I refuse to post any shirtless pics as my main pictures on my profile. Sexy selfies are best saved for private pics or to exchange later. But for you main display pictures always wear clothes. If you have to post a shirtless pic, just make sure your nipples are covered and it’s from the shoulders up.

If you’re just looking for a hookup online, then go ahead and post your shirtless mirror pics or bikini beach pictures. But if you’re hoping to attract someone who’s attracted to your face/self instead of just your hot body, then cover up. You don’t have to dress conservatively or not like your natural self. I’m not going to only post pictures of myself online dressed in a suit and tie, since I don’t even normally dress like that. Show off your natural self, but your natural clothed self. So basically even if it’s a belly shirt or tank top, just make sure you’re wearing some kind of shirt.

These are just a few helpful tips to help you with your online profile. Please keep them in mind, and good luck getting dates!

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Relationships

The War On Men Through the Degradation of Women

“When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.”

~ JADA PINKETT SMITH


How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual

essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.

There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn’t recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him  four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER outweigh love.

May we all find our way.

~ Jada Pinkett-Smith, Sinuous Magazine

AMEN.

Categories
Beauty healthy sex healthy sex life News Relationships sex

Report: A Healthy Sex Life Makes You Look 7 Years Younger

So you need another reason to have sex? How about this: a new report is claiming that a healthy sex life could make you look younger… up to 7 years younger.

Dr. David Weeks spoke at the British Psychological Society today and informed the group that because of the special endorphins (also called the “feel good chemicals”) released during sex, circulation is improved which is good for the heart and causes human growth hormone to be released. This makes the skin more elastic. Stress and anxiety levels are also reduced and a sense of overall satisfaction is usually achieved.

This is especially helpful for the elderly Weeks said.

My message is that love making is good.

The stereotype of an elderly person is that when they get their pension and bus pass, they stop having sex, and that’s not true.

“Sexual satisfaction is a major contributor to quality of life, ranking at least as high as spiritual or religious commitment and other morale factors, so more positive attitudes towards mature sex should be vigorously promoted.

“Sexuality is definitely not the prerogative of younger people and nor should it be.”

Your secret’s out grandma!

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marriage Relationships

Pretty Girls Get Flings, Ugly Girls Get Rings

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

The Jamaica Observer has revealed that a study has shown that men would rather choose an unattractive woman for a long term serious relationship, and would rather have a beautiful woman for a short term fling.

“Feminine Looking” women, who possessed attributes such as a small jawbone and full cheeks, were considered most desirable to men. Due to their high level of estrogen which is credited for their womanly features.

Whereas women with the opposing features were considered more “masculine looking”.

Hundreds of heterosexual men were surveyed.

The men were shown many photos of European and Japanese women, both “feminine” and “masculine” looking.

The guys had to select whether they viewed each woman as more likely a short-term partner for a “fling”, or saw them more as  “long term” relationship material.

“Feminine looking” women were deemed most desirable for a short term affair, especially by the surveyed men that were in relationships.

But the more “masculine looking” women were rated highest for long term partners for marriage and raising children.

As perplexing as these results are, previous research has allegedly been done stating that attractive women are more likely to cheat, especially when their husband isn’t that attractive.

So basically most men are distrustful of pretty girls.

This study really resonates with me.

I’m constantly told how gorgeous and beautiful I am, and whenever I tell someone that I’ve never had a boyfriend the same exchange always happens.

They always act astounded and shocked, like it’s so inexplicable that I could have never had a boyfriend despite being so undeniably attractive.

The worst is when they ask “Are guys blind?” because no man I’ve never met has never wanted to date me.

First of all, my problem isn’t attracting men, since I have absolutely no problem doing that.

My problem is that the men that I do attract only see me as a fling, and not as a serious relationship partner.

I also attract a lot of guys in relationships, and like this study showed, guys in relationships really like beautiful partners to cheat on their girlfriends/wives with.

The problem isn’t that beautiful people can’t be trusted, it’s that we live in a society that places beauty as the absolute thing to be coveted, but not to be taken seriously.

Beautiful people should be worshipped, envied, desired, but shouldn’t be thought of as actual people with feelings, thoughts, hopes, and dreams, and should not be respected.

Being beautiful has never done me any favors in terms of attracting a mate, since I’ve perpetually been single my entire life.

 Granted I’m only 22 and still holding out hope that I’ll find a guy that does want to date me, and sees me as more than a sex object.

But clearly being gorgeous is both a gift and a curse.

Guys may always want you, but not for the long-term.

Because beautiful people somehow don’t deserved to be loved.

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Relationships

Sluts Don’t Want Slutty Friends

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

A recent Jezebel article profiled a Cornell College of Human Ecology study called “Birds of a Feather? Not When It Comes to Sexual Permissiveness“.  In this study 721 co-ed students were asked to rate their feelings regarding promiscuity between males and females.

The study showed that both men and women that considered themselves to be slutty/promiscuous would rather not have friends that are also slutty/promiscuous.

The reasoning for men with many sexual partners not wanting to befriend other men with a high count of sexual partners is because they don’t trust the other guy around their partner.

The reasoning for promiscuous girls not wanting to befriend fellow promiscuous girls is because it’s not socially acceptable to be friends with known harlots.

Such slut shaming!

Well if you know you’re a moral-less skank who can’t be trusted around other people’s men, you wouldn’t want another moral-less skank who can’t be trusted around other’s people’s men anywhere near your own man.

I consider myself a promiscuous boy, and I have tons of fantastic long-lasting relationships with many promiscuous women. There’s something about being an only child that makes you more likely to become a slut. But with my girlfriends, I’m gay and they’re straight so of course we don’t have to worry about poaching each other’s men, though I do tend to mainly attract bisexual guys and guys with girlfriends….

But if there is one moral code I will never break, it’s never to hookup with a guy who’s been with someone I consider to be a friend. Plus that’s gross. I don’t want any penis that’s been inside one of my friends inside of me. Enemies may be a different story. I once almost hooked up with someone else’s boyfriend just because they didn’t accept my friend request on Facebook.

I don’t have many gay friends, probably because they don’t want to befriend a known morally corrupt Jezebel, but my very best gay friend is also a slut, and we don’t have to worry about the other trying to steal each other’s men. I don’t like old guys, and he doesn’t like fat guys.  Although every guy he’s been with has hooked up with one of his “friends”.

Some sluts can’t be trusted…but we’re all not that bad.

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college Express Yourself Relationships teenagers young

The Parenting Extremes

For as long as I can remember I’ve had complete freedom when it comes with what I can do with my life. My parents have rarely, if ever, said I can’t do something or hang out with certain people. For as long as I can also remember, I’ve never met parents that are anywhere near as lenient as my parents; many of my friends parents hover over them in one way or another.

My parents didn’t think twice letting me drive and take my friends to play paintball

If you ask my parents why they give me such freedoms, their answer will be that they trust me completely. I’ve never given them a reason to not. I don’t come home drunk or on some drug(s), do reckless things, hang out with the wrong crowd, or be a total numb skull. This trust is what lets me leave late at night, come home even later, have my own car, promote for clubs, sleep over a girlfriends house and hang out with friends they have never met.

Now you may think my parents aren’t involved much in my life if they give me such freedom but, that would be wrong. I love hanging out with my mom and though I can be seen as a tougher kid, I’m not ashamed to say that. Sure me and my dad may get on each other nerves sometimes but, we still have a lot in common that keeps us close. I really do enjoy being around my parents and hanging out with them both.

I was trusted with a car as soon as I got my license

On the other side of the spectrum, most of my friends parents still have a tendency to hover over them as if they’re twelve years old. Their parents control who they hang out with, don’t trust them when they’re out, check in on them constantly, to sum it up they baby their teenage son or daughter. They seem to shelter their kid from the world as much as they possibly can, the same world they’ll one day be on their own to live in.

Ask these teens if they can’t wait to get away from their parents thanks to college or to just be able to move out one day and they will all say “yes!” These same teens usually go totally rebellious once they are free of their parents since they can finally choose their own life to live.

I am not a parent nor am I claiming to be one in anyway. I’ve never raised a kid and don’t plan to for many years to come. I am only a product of how I was raised by my parents; I was raised in a way that I believe every kid should be as well. We all need to be able to experience the world when we’re young, the world we will one day be on our own to live in.

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Relationships

Spring Is Breakup Season

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

Contrary to what you may have previously heard about Spring being the season of love, it’s actually the season of breakups. Nerve reports that most breakups occur during the period of March 20th through June 21st. Flowers may be blooming, the weather may be warming, animals may be mating, but human hearts will be breaking. But why Spring of all season? Here are my theories.

First, Summer is coming. If you’re a college student and your significant other goes back to their home state, town, country, or wherever they’re from, and it’s not where you’re from, it may seem most appealing to breakup in time for summer. Like the Jessie James song “Boys In The Summer” points out ,”boys look so much hotter in the summer”. It’s difficult to determine the benefit of  being tied down to someone who you won’t even see all summer, when you’re going out to the beach, clubbing, wherever with all your single friends who are free to hookup with hot guys, and you’re not. Plus if you’re significant other is far away, you won’t know that they’re being as loyal to you as you plan on being with them. Instead of spending summer paranoid you’re being lied to and cheated on, be single, wild, and free! At least for Summer. You can always reconnect in Autumn when the next semester rolls around.

Secondly, some people sadly enter relationships just so they have someone to snuggle up with in Winter. Even if they’re not that into them, it’s nice having someone to cuddle with when it’s cold. Frigid weather is definitely a mood killer. Even going out for a night with friends becomes a hassle if you don’t feel like leaving your warm home. When you’re dating someone in Winter, you don’t have to worry about going out. Trying to look as sexy as possible, but still managing to stay warm to avoid catching a cold is a difficult task, which can be completely avoided when you’re already dating someone. No need to go out. Just invite them over, and cuddle on the couch, and keep each other warm in bed. But as soon as the weather gets warm its time for that snuggle buddy to be cut loose. Hence why spring is the time to breakup.

Lastly, I don’t really even know. There’s so many factors as to why people can breakup in Spring. I do think the biggest reason is the end of the semester. People leaving their college towns or breaking up with their high school sweetheart before college seems like it would be the biggest cause of a couple deciding to go their separate ways. These couples managed to stay together past Valentine’s Day, so maybe some were just looking for an out as soon as that was over and they got their gifts. Some people do get fat once they enter relationships and no longer feel the need to stay fit because they’ve already caught themselves someone, and as soon as the weather warms and they can’t hide behind their baggy clothes, their partner may not like what they see and decides to split.

The moral of the story is if you’re currently in a relationship, you have until June 21st to watch out. A breakup may be heading your way just in time for Summer.

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Relationships

Guys With Beards Are More Desirable…Science Proved It

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

 I always start my online dating profiles by saying “I like guys that are big, beefy, brawny, butch, and preferably bearded.”, and after a new research study, I’m not the only one.

Io9 reports that the University of New South Wales conducted a study and deduced that women AND men both find men with beards more attractive than clean shaven ones. Those surveyed believe that men with beards are “masculine, healthy, and more likely to make good parents” than smooth faced guys.

I don’t think there’s any proof that a guy with a face full of hair is going to make a better father of your children, but I do agree that beards do bring about the alluring rugged masculinity that leads to an attractive partner. Nothing against clean shaven guys or ones incapable of growing beards, which includes myself, but it’s true. Guys with beards are more desirable.

Just look as this Cosmo side by side comparison of celebrities. They all look better with a beard.

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Relationships

A Nickname Is Worth A Thousand Words

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

 A couple months ago Jezebel posted an article about giving nicknames to guys while dating multiple men. The piece really resonated with me, since I’ve been assigning guys nicknames for years.

I date a lot. It seems like with each new semester I tend to go on even more dates than the last. I’m 22, never had a boyfriend, don’t have a real job, and am a broke college student, a boy’s gotta eat. I only accept dinner dates. I believe that unless a guy is obviously a potential rapist, killer, or repulsive to look at, then you should always accept his invitation. Why not? Most of the time I have nothing else to do with my time, so I might as well be going on as many dates as possible.

I do meet most of my dates online through the various (gay) dating apps I use. Most people are online dating nowadays anyway. I used to be against online dating, until I realized every single gay person I knew in Boston was using it too. And when I hear about someone else going on a date, that makes me want to go on a date. I shouldn’t be disadvantaged, so I gave in to online dating and now 2 years later I currently actively use 5 of them. The past semester I had 9 dates with 7 guys, and that’s a lot of stories to relay back to my friends and blog about.

There’s no point in using a guy’s real name, it’s not descriptive enough when telling my friends or to blog about. A nickname can pretty much sum up a guy in one or more words to set the tone for the story. Over year years I’ve given guys monikers such as Guy-With-Girlfriend, The Accountant, Boy Toy, BC Boy, Guy-With-Girlfriend 2, Fake Boyfriend, Tranny Chaser, Former Fat Boy, Colombian… and the list goes on. There have been so many boys in my past, present, and future to remember. Nicknames are necessary to keep track of them, or at least try to.

Whenever I discuss a new boy with my friends, and when they discuss a new boy with me, it’s necessary they provide a brief biography of their latest paramour. I also demand pictures. Don’t tell me all about a guy, without at least providing a photo. I always send pictures of guys I’m going on a date with or hooked up with to my friends. Even for a one night stand I’ll hunt them down on Facebook or Google to find at least one photo to relay back to my friends. Nothing’s worse than giving a long detailed story about a guy without being able to show your listeners who you’re talking about.

But if a guy does make a repeated appearance, it’s definitely necessary to give him a nickname. Your friends won’t remember who “Tom”, “Mike”, or “Paul” are. Especially if they’ve never met and most likely never will meet them, and they know several other guys with those names. Thus making it absolutely imperative to give your dates/hookups a nickname.

A nickname can consist of anything that is remotely unique to the guy. Don’t label a guy as “black guy” if you hookup with multiple black guys, or as “The Doctor” if you’ve been with multiple doctors. Granted it’s easy to label a guy by his race or profession if he’s the first of his kind you’ve been with, but you never know what the future holds. Hence why I have a Guy-With-Girlfriend and a Guy-With-Girlfriend 2. With my rate at attracting guys in relationships I’m surprised I haven’t gotten up to Guy-With-Girlfriend 10 yet. Try to stick with whatever is the weirdest thing that stuck about him, well unless you don’t want to be reminded of it, then choose something else. Like a sexual fetish that was unique to him or something he wore that was different.

Basically you have the complete freedom to label a guy whatever you want when discussing him with other people. Though do try to make sure he never hears about the nickname, especially if it’s something he wouldn’t like to find out you shared. Unless you’re never planning on seeing him again, then it doesn’t even matter. Label him with whatever moniker you want if he finds out about it or not!

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Relationships women

Femininity And Submission In Relationships

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

Volleyball star Gabby Reece recently received a lot of backlash while promoting her new book My Foot Is Too Big For The Glass Slipper. According to the Today Show, Reece is quoted as saying “to truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and – look out, here it comes – submissive.” Reece has stated she finds female submission to be a sign of power instead of weakness. Gabby has been married to pro surfer Laird Hamilton for 17 years.

Gabby Reece and Laird Hamilton

Feminists were of course up in arms for hearing a woman say that the key to a successful marriage involves “submission” to ones husband, but Reece claims she didn’t mean it that way. Reece claims she meant it more as a willingness to compromise.

In a relationship, there definitely needs to be compromise. The problem with Reece’s statement is that it sounds antiquated and misogynistic. Submission has the connotation of weakness and that of course is insulting to women, and anyone that would find themselves in the feminine role in a relationship, gay, straight, lesbian, etc…

Two equals in a relationship does constantly leave to conflict which leads to a failed relationship. If both parties constantly refuse to concede and fight until they get their way, that only leads to animosity. Bitterness and resentment are not the ingredients for a healthy lasting loving relationship.

It’s important to make sure that one person is not completely dominating the other party, and gives up their wishes and desires only to please another at their own expense because that leads to bitterness and resentment as well. When one half concedes on one occasion, the other half of the relationship must alternately concede on the next occasion to make sure that a relationship is in fact equal. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t care about what they want. If your partner isn’t willing to give you what makes you happy, although it may not be what they want, then they are not the partner for you.

Personally I am very feminine and I do prefer very masculine guys. Although I am super feminine, I am definitely far from submissive. I am a spoiled only child who gets extremely angry if I don’t get my way. I prefer guys that are super laid-back and not picky over certain things, so I guess I do best with guys that concede at my whimsy, but I’m not looking for a complete pushover.

More: Pastor Explains Women Were Born To Be Submissive And Subject To Men

Ideally I do need a guy that does challenge me, but doesn’t try to dominate me. I do encounter many men that assume that I will submit to their will, like a repressed obedient housewife pre-feminist movement, though the second they say something that bothers me, I will fight back. Feminine gay men have to show their patriarchal chauvinist male partners that there will be a no nonsense taking strong independent woman as well.

 Just because one may be submissive in the bedroom, doesn’t mean that translates to submissive overall in a relationship. Many may find that correlation, but the battle between linking femininity is so much more. It may be possible to be simultaneously seemingly submissive yet still maintain the power in the relationship. Boys are dumb and easily manipulated. Though not everyone has the expert manipulation skills to feign submissiveness into actual dominance.

In a perfect world there would be no dominance in relationships. There would always be equality, compromise, and never any abuse. Though we don’t live in a perfect world, and finding a relationship with all of those components seems impossible, though one should never remain in a relationship with abuse, especially physical. But a partner that do not compromise is a form of abuse, whether psychological, monetary, or emotional.

Moral of the story? Just because you’re feminine doesn’t mean you’re submissive, and don’t let any dominant masculine party force you into bitterness and resentment with their failure to compromise. The same works vice versa. Feminine parties can be dominant and beat their masculine partners into submission.

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