Like the rest of the world, Jon Stewart expressed his frustrations with the recent shooting in France, where 12 people were executed by Islamic terrorists because of the apparent deadly combination of satire and the Islamic faith.
Jon Stewart of Comedy Central had this to say.
I know very few people go into comedy as an act of courage, mainly because it shouldn’t have to be that. It shouldn’t be an act of courage, it should be taken as established law. But those guys at Hebdo had it and they were killed for their cartoons.
The new Republican controlled Congress is now formally on its way and yes, Jon Stewart had something to say about that, especially given the fact that Congress is presently scraping the bottom of the barrel in job approval, yet, on their first day back to “work, they arrived at noon!
Noon! You had to get there at noon! You know, normally that would make me mad, but since Congress probably isn’t doing anything anyway, alright, why not get a late start? Hell, why not just serve them legislation in bed for God’s sake? No wonder you folks have a 14 percent approval rating and apparently a roughly 95 percent incumbency rate. You know, 14 percent disapproval to 95 percent incumbency is the same disapproval to recurrence ratio currently enjoyed by the herpes virus.
Now after carefully considering all the potential candidates for president in 2016, Jon Stewart settled on who he thought was the best person among the group of wannabes – Sen. Melvin Dickpic-Tweet.
For example, former Sen. Jim Webb, a Democratic hopeful, is defending more than $90,000 in payments from his PAC to his family members for work on his website.
“So you’re saying Jim Webb is embroiled in a scandal involving a website,” Stewart said. “It’s the most ironic fall from grace since Sen. Melvin Dickpic-Tweet.”
Stewart took a look at the field on both sides, including Sen. Bernie Sanders, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, Fox News host and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and more. After carefully considering the candidates, Jon Stewart announced his pick for 2016.
The information included in the Spending Bill that passed both the House and Senate is quite simply scary, like calling white potatoes fresh vegetables and the massive raise in donations allowed for congress members… things that made Stewart shook his head in disbelief.
To summarize, Stewart thanked George Bush for not dying in office during his administration, for fear of a Dick Cheney presidency.
Stewart dissected the Cheney interview on Sunday’s Meet The Press where the former vice president did cartwheels to avoid calling the so-called “enhanced interrogation” methods used by the CIA, torture. And according to the twisted mind of the Dick, torture was not waterboarding or force feeding someone through their rectum, like was authorized in his tenure as vice president, no, torture was what happened on September 11th when terrorists hijacked planes and attacked America. That view of torture caused Stewart to proclaim, “I see, that’s just what meets the definition of torture in his mind. His mind, I assume, being the scariest f**king place in the universe.”
It’s a rare occurrence when that Jon Stewart can’t find the words, but Tuesday was almost one of those times.
Stewart took on the newly released torture report which detailed some of the brutal activities done to others during the Bush administration, and he compared the events in the report to a movie he did on the subject of torture and how one man overcame the inhumane treatment. And in comparing the two, Stewart concluded that his movie did not even scratch the surface of torture, when compared to the report.
“It’s funny, I just made this movie about a guy who triumphs over the inhuman conditions in his imprisonment in an authoritarian country, and I don’t think they did half that shit to him,” Stewart said.
Stewart began his piece playing a clip of George Bush saying that his government “does not torture people.” Stewart then broke to a montage of clips showing Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) detailing numerous situations in the report where people were tortured and a reporter even detailing situations where prisoners were fed through their rectum, now known as “rectal feeding.”
That revelation left Stewart speechless and the only think he could do was to ask for a clip of Mr. Creosote projectile vomiting in Monty Python’s “The Meaning Of Life.”
Jon Stewart was at a loss of words last night as he too tried to cope with the non-indictment decision handed down by the grand jury in the Eric Garner case.
“I don’t know,” Stewart confessed. “I honestly don’t know what to say. If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more f*cking time. But I would really settle for less f*cking tragedy, to be honest with you.”
Garner’s death at the hands of a police officer in Staten Island New York, was caught on video and showed an overly aggressive group of officers bringing down and ultimately killing the unarmed man for committing the unthinkable crime of selling loose cigarettes.
The decision not to indict anyone for the killing of Mr. Garner sparked thousands of people to take to the streets in protest calling for justice in the Garner’s death. Stewart echoed those calls, questioning the justice system and our concept of a civilized society.
“We are definitely not living in a post-racial society. And I can imagine there’s a lot of people out there wondering how much of a society we’re living in at all.”
In case you haven’t heard the news, Americans had a massive dose of amnesia on Tuesday. They forgot which party got us into the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, they forgot which party was responsible for the great recession of 2008, they forgot which party shut down the government a year ago because they did not want Americans to have healthcare. And these Americans forgot which party is responsible for blocking every jobs bill the President and his party tried to implement.
So with this massive case of amnesia, the American people voted for the Republican party to run the United States Congress, and they also voted for more Republican governors!
Consider this your lesson in The Battered Woman Syndrome – she keeps going back to her abuser!
Well after Americans ran back to their Republican abusers Tuesday night, something miraculous happened. After years of blocking the president and the Democrats, Republicans suddenly began talking about “bipartisanship!” You know, like a real abuser does, ‘baby, I’m gonna change, it will never happen again!’ Republicans blocked progress in this country so much, doses of Drano couldn’t help. But winning Congress apparently opened their eyes and now, after almost 7 years of saying “NO” to everything, they want to say yes!
This is confusing to anyone who follows politics, and Jon Stewart’s confusion manifested itself in his last show.
In one of the clips Stewart showed on Wednesday’s program, Mitch McConnell – the same Republican who infamously said his only goal was to make President Obama a failure – after winning his re-election, McConnell was heard saying, “just because we have a two-party system doesn’t mean we have to be in perpetual conflict.”
I was like, HUH!?!
The look on Stewart’s face said it all. But his words in response to McConnell’s new found willingness to work with the President said even more than his facial expression.
“Who the fuck are you people?” Stewart asked.
“I gotta tell you, that sound bite would have been better not coming from the guy who for six years has been one of the sole owners and operators of this country’s Perpetual Conflictinators,” he added.
Jon Stewart looked at the political system in Texas and admitted a truth that Democrats refuse to see – Texas is not turning blue, “it is as red as red can red!”
In a recent segment on his Daily Show, Stewart spoke about Louie Gohmert and his lack of basic knowledge or common sense on any issue. And he spoke about the ultra conservative Greg Abbott who currently holds a 20 point lead in the polls over his Democratic challenger Wendy and Abbott’s running mate David Dan Patrick, who is up by 17 points over his Democratic challenger, Sen. Leticia Van de Putte. Stewart concluded that if the likes of Gohmert and Abbott are succeeding in Texas, then there is clearly no hope for Democrats.
“You poor bastards,” Stewart told his live audience in Austin. “Democrats in Texas are like the drunk guy at the bar who won’t stop hitting on a girl, even though we know she’s a lesbian; ‘no, no, no, dude, trust me. I can flip her, I just need time.’”
Jon Stewart said it, not me? But as usual, Stewart hits the nail directly on the head!
In his latest broadcast, Stewart began by giving Texas its props. “You did a great job handling your Ebola,” Stewart said about Texas. He then took on the so-called “Ebola-outbreak” and spoke more specifically about the utter panic the governors of New York and New Jersey put in place to deal with the “outbreak,” – a 21 days lock-down of anyone who went to Africa to help fight the disease!
In his segment, Stewart spoke about a nurse who just returned home and was immediately placed in this lockdown. She was placed in a tent with no heat, now hot water and no functioning toilet. Essentially being held captive in New Jersey, payback for her good deeds overseas.
In one of the clips Stewart showed, the nurse expressed her frustrations with the situation, saying that Chris Christie is no doctor and did not even see her personally, so the basis for him keeping her captive was uncalled for. Stewart then played a clip showing Christie’s response with him saying that the woman will understand once she settles down and reflect on the situation. Stewart agreed with the woman, then added “why does Chris Christie have to be a dick about everything?”
The segment went on with Stewart questioning if this nation is still the Home of the Brave, considering all the fear Americans are expressing over a couple of cases of Ebola! He then implied that we are probably still a brave nation, “unless you have a fever.”
Mr.Jon Stewart? I feel your frustrations. I understand exactly what you’re saying. How the… why is it that the dumbest people in the Republican party, the ones always wearing their permanently attached dunce-caps… why are they the ones on the “Republican House Committee on Science, Space and Technology?” I mean, is this a joke? This must be a joke, right?
On his recent show, Stewart discussed among other things, the idiotic Republicans members of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology. They’re really a special breed!
In one of the committee’s meeting, John Holdren from the White House science team went before the group to testify about Climate Change and was greeted with some absolutely amazing and idiotic questions from the Republican panel. Questions like, can a wobbling earth disprove your theory of climate change, and how come when ice melt in a cup of water, the water does not overflow.
Yes folks, these are the Republicans on the Science and Technology committee.
Stewart left the wobbling earth explanation to the White House science expert, but he quickly dived into his explanation of the ice in water question.
Understandingly flabbergasted by the lack of science knowledge by the Republican members of the Science committee, Steward broke down the water example to a level even a 2-year-old could understand.
He brought out a glass filled with water and ice and explained that since the water is already in the glass, it is already a part of the composition. So any “melting” of that ice would not have any effect. He then added ice from outside the glass, they way land glaciers melt into the oceans, and he explained that now, with the newly added ice, there will be an effect. Coastal areas are first hand witnesses to this effect.
And as for the Republicans on the Science Committee? They still do not get it!
It’s not official until we hear from the most honest man in news, Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart. And on Wednesday night’s show, Stewart took on the NFL and their horrible managerial skills or lack there of, in dealing with the many domestic abuse cases from the players, and his conclusion is that they don’t have the slightest idea about what they’re doing.
So it’s now official – the NFL is sadly clueless!
Stewart started out his segment Wednesday night going after Carolina Panthers defensive end Greg Hardy who is at the center of a domestic violence case. Hardy was convicted of assault and making threatening statements against the victim. But, Stewart said, the Panthers only announced Wednesday that he “is done…until he appeals his misdemeanor conviction for domestic violence.”
“It’s the kind of firm decision making we’ve come to expect from people who don’t know what the f*ck they’re doing,” Stewart said.
The NFL has also appointed a group of women to oversee its its efforts to reduce domestic violence among its players.
“You know your business model is in rough shape when you have to appoint your own in-house special victims unit,” Jon Stewart said.
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