poem Archives – EzKool

Songs of The Teaparty – “Impeach The President!” – A Poem

Charlie Sheen’s Poem to Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson

Last week, Phil Robertson made some statements that offended many. He compared the gay lifestyle to beastiality among other things, and claimed that black people in the South did not suffer any oppression before the civil movement began. It was happy times for all apparently.

Some came to Robinsons defense like Sarah Palin and others in the Republican Party, but many more were outraged by the things Robinsons had to say.

Below is a poem from actor Charlie Sheen, who felt the need to voice his opinion on behalf of his friends who “were hurt” by Robertson’s comments.

Mallard brained
Phil Robertso!
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash
shower-dodger,
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.

You have my attention.

your statements were and are
abhorrently and
mendaciously unforgivable.

How can something be “mendaciously unforgivable?” Shhhhh.

the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.
perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the
army of scabies and
bull weevils sequestered deep in it’s sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.

“Sarcophagus of dander” is pretty good, but stanza seven is still my fave:

on the eight day
when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,
I’m pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and
locate the nearest
Andy Gump.

If While I Was Whittling My Cosmic Banjo is the title of Sheen’s memoir, everybody take a half day.

Now bring us home, Sheen:

repulsed by you;
c sheen

hash tag;
Duck; that was me.

As you were, Phil Robertso. As you were.

A Letter To My Next Girlfriend

Dear Someone,
I use someone because I probably don’t know your name at this point in my life.

Take no offense; Don’t be angry and come at me with a knife!

So…yeah you and me huh? That’s pretty sweet right?

Dam I’m four lines in and I already came down with writers block

That’s nuts because I usually can always seem to talk

Since I always talk a big game

Say I have no shame
Don’t care if you use “I dare you” with my name

But when I talk to someone I like

I clam up air tight

That’s how you know I ain’t feeling right (in a good way)

Have no fear though that shyness will easily thaw

It’ll give way to thing’s that’ll make you laugh or go “awww”

So what’s this letter about you ask, as do I in all honesty

Well keep reading and then you’ll see

It’s about me as the next paragraph will show

It’s also about you, I just wanted you to know

I don’t know what you’ll know about me at this stage

Probably some good things, hopefully nothing that’ll put you in a rage

I’m very open about myself though, I have nothing to hide

There’s no “I’ll tell you another time” or any story I’ll push aside

I wonder if you’ll know my favorite color is orange but I love to wear black

Or that I love my Lakers, basketball, and miss hearing “T-Mac to the rack!”

Maybe you’ll know I actually have a decent fashion sense (#HighFashion)

Or that I never shy away from giving my $.02

What about you? There are so many questions I can sit here and ask

Writing them all down though………dam that’d be quite a task

Have we been friends? Best friends? Or total strangers who just met

If we were total strangers let me say..”Finally a fish in the net!”

(Referring to that “plenty fish in the sea saying. Okay, not funny? Okay..)

Ah so many questions I could ask but it’s 1am and I’d love to sleep tonight

Instead of having my brain work in overdrive, blasting through all the red lights

Well whoever you were to me and whenever you do read this, let me just say

I’m happy you’re with me and not some other guy

I obviously like you, enjoying hanging out, and talking as well

I can’t say where this will go or how it’ll work

All I can say is to just kick back and let life run it’s course

Good night,

Justin