Charlie Sheen’s Poem to Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson


Last week, Phil Robertson made some statements that offended many. He compared the gay lifestyle to beastiality among other things, and claimed that black people in the South did not suffer any oppression before the civil movement began. It was happy times for all apparently.

Some came to Robinsons defense like Sarah Palin and others in the Republican Party, but many more were outraged by the things Robinsons had to say.

Below is a poem from actor Charlie Sheen, who felt the need to voice his opinion on behalf of his friends who “were hurt” by Robertson’s comments.

Mallard brained
Phil Robertso!
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.

You have my attention.

your statements were and are
abhorrently and
mendaciously unforgivable.

How can something be “mendaciously unforgivable?” Shhhhh.

the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.
perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the
army of scabies and
bull weevils sequestered deep in it’s sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.

“Sarcophagus of dander” is pretty good, but stanza seven is still my fave:

on the eight day
when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,
I’m pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and
locate the nearest
Andy Gump.

If While I Was Whittling My Cosmic Banjo is the title of Sheen’s memoir, everybody take a half day.

Now bring us home, Sheen:

repulsed by you;
c sheen

hash tag;
Duck; that was me.

As you were, Phil Robertso. As you were.


I’m just tired of the lies and nonsense coming from the GOP, so this is my little contribution to combat the nonsense!