Femininity And Submission In Relationships

Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor, currently residing in Boston, MA. Follow Branden on Twitter and Tumblr.

Volleyball star Gabby Reece recently received a lot of backlash while promoting her new book My Foot Is Too Big For The Glass Slipper. According to the Today Show, Reece is quoted as saying “to truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and – look out, here it comes – submissive.” Reece has stated she finds female submission to be a sign of power instead of weakness. Gabby has been married to pro surfer Laird Hamilton for 17 years.

gabby and laird

Gabby Reece and Laird Hamilton

Feminists were of course up in arms for hearing a woman say that the key to a successful marriage involves “submission” to ones husband, but Reece claims she didn’t mean it that way. Reece claims she meant it more as a willingness to compromise.

In a relationship, there definitely needs to be compromise. The problem with Reece’s statement is that it sounds antiquated and misogynistic. Submission has the connotation of weakness and that of course is insulting to women, and anyone that would find themselves in the feminine role in a relationship, gay, straight, lesbian, etc…

Two equals in a relationship does constantly leave to conflict which leads to a failed relationship. If both parties constantly refuse to concede and fight until they get their way, that only leads to animosity. Bitterness and resentment are not the ingredients for a healthy lasting loving relationship.

It’s important to make sure that one person is not completely dominating the other party, and gives up their wishes and desires only to please another at their own expense because that leads to bitterness and resentment as well. When one half concedes on one occasion, the other half of the relationship must alternately concede on the next occasion to make sure that a relationship is in fact equal. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t care about what they want. If your partner isn’t willing to give you what makes you happy, although it may not be what they want, then they are not the partner for you.

Personally I am very feminine and I do prefer very masculine guys. Although I am super feminine, I am definitely far from submissive. I am a spoiled only child who gets extremely angry if I don’t get my way. I prefer guys that are super laid-back and not picky over certain things, so I guess I do best with guys that concede at my whimsy, but I’m not looking for a complete pushover.

More: Pastor Explains Women Were Born To Be Submissive And Subject To Men

Ideally I do need a guy that does challenge me, but doesn’t try to dominate me. I do encounter many men that assume that I will submit to their will, like a repressed obedient housewife pre-feminist movement, though the second they say something that bothers me, I will fight back. Feminine gay men have to show their patriarchal chauvinist male partners that there will be a no nonsense taking strong independent woman as well.

 Just because one may be submissive in the bedroom, doesn’t mean that translates to submissive overall in a relationship. Many may find that correlation, but the battle between linking femininity is so much more. It may be possible to be simultaneously seemingly submissive yet still maintain the power in the relationship. Boys are dumb and easily manipulated. Though not everyone has the expert manipulation skills to feign submissiveness into actual dominance.

In a perfect world there would be no dominance in relationships. There would always be equality, compromise, and never any abuse. Though we don’t live in a perfect world, and finding a relationship with all of those components seems impossible, though one should never remain in a relationship with abuse, especially physical. But a partner that do not compromise is a form of abuse, whether psychological, monetary, or emotional.

Moral of the story? Just because you’re feminine doesn’t mean you’re submissive, and don’t let any dominant masculine party force you into bitterness and resentment with their failure to compromise. The same works vice versa. Feminine parties can be dominant and beat their masculine partners into submission.

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Branden Lee is a blogger, screenwriter, producer, and actor. Branden studied Communications at Northeastern University while minoring in Production. Branden's writing has appeared on Thought Catalog, The New Gay, Examiner, and he's currently a celebrity gossip contributor for Wish I Didn't Know.

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